I'm so Tired of life until the end!!

Don't you ever get that feeling where you are just feed up with your lifestyle so you want to end it all at once. Well, I'm definitely on that train a lot of the times I feel empty and alone. Pretty unsupported and stuck in a life cycle that I can't escape from like this empty void in my heart sometimes I wish I wasn't in this current set of events where I either didn't over spend or I was somewhere I actually wanted to be. Instead im stuck in this little bedroom almost everyday and you know what I'm starting to grow weary from it. I chose to work harder for my objectives but sometimes I dont't feel motivated. Could be related to my past, could be that sometimes I feel like I am alone in this world it could be anything but It's true sometimes instead of going through all the laughter and ridicule or mockery. I would rather just got to an eternal sleep yet I know I won't be able to pay bills this way. I envy successful people because of their stats because of the position they're in. They have everything yet some are not content. I had everything and I lost it. this depression will live as long as I live on an undesired way. yet another side of me sees hope in the distance like staring on to the sky and looking at all the stars. This world is truly shitty in many ways, yet there are things that make it feel natural too. I miss being on my van and I miss having a stable place. I miss the feeling of true comfort. I miss the days I didn't care about much growing up really can suck but hey I guess I am living here another day to get closer to Death. I wouldn't want to live in the shittyness of the world everyone who's got killed at least has got free from the bullshit society can impose on others. Silence is the state of freedom back to nothing. I've accepted that the world can't change. but maybe its just what I know. however maybe im the one changing to find that silence to find that state of joy!!! I'm certainly, not the trouble maker I used to be and I really don't give a single damn about being part of any "popular group" I guess that's what made people like me stand out. They can pursue that. But most of my happiness doesn't come from luxury, or cars, or even owning the fanciest homes. It comes from the fact I known nothing lasts forever and that one day I will perish with a smile. who knows maybe through all the delusion and slavery and perhaps better lifestyle I'll get somewhere maybe with cafe superstars. Regardless the case its time to be a pro at it!!!! Rise of the Underdogs!!!!